I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
