she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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