Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
