Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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