i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, he came in my armpit
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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