That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are the jesus of drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
