But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
