worst night to have a conscience
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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