we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
