Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
