CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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