i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
