Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
