ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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