I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
