and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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