dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
