My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
