Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
