You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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