Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
