he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
