Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We need to get me chipped asap
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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