no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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