how can u be prego again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
