I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
