Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
