did you get engaged???
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
