I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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