Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
