Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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