sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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