I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
