best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
