Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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