Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
