Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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