so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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