guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
