he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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