so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
