ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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