your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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