Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
