Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
