He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found the puke drawer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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