My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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