i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
