i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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