I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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