I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
