I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
