So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
