seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
