I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No subtext here. People are naked.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
