My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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